Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
