Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
