If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
