I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
