So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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