i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
