Buhtt sex?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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