i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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