i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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