I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
