Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We talked him into tasing himself.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
