Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
