also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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