Can i not drive my cunt home
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
