i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
