tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
