i think my tv is drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
