first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
