I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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