There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
