I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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