you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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