I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
