It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
