Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
