I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
