He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize
