He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
