some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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