you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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