Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
