Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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