it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
