oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
