I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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