I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
