i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
