You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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