perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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