I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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