Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
