Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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