Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
