I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
