i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
