What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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