apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
