omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
