this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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