And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
