I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
