The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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