So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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