Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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