I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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