If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
