So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
