My hair reeks of homosexuality.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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