i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
