separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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