i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
